Gabrielle Union understood why work-life balance as a mother seems like a lie – SheKnows



Gabrielle Union left us speechless in 2017 with her first memoirs, We’re gonna need more wine. Now she’s back with a follow-up book titled Do you have something stronger? it is just as touching, thoughtful and vulnerable.

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Since the publication of his first memoirs, the Bring it on The actress welcomed her 2-year-old daughter Kaavia James through surrogacy with former NBA star Dwyane Wade. Union is also the step-parent of Wade’s children from previous relationships: Zaya, Zaire and Xavier. She also helps take care of Wade’s nephew, Dahveon Morris.

In her latest book (published September 14), Union explores her surrogacy journey and gets very realistic about life as a working mom – the joy, the tears, the frustrations and the lies – and man, she gets it. so law.

Union admits that women in the public eye, mothers or not, are encouraged to promote the idea of ​​perfect balance, whether or not the concept exists. “Whether you are a senator or a CEO, an actress or an athlete, you need to have a practical answer to the question every interviewer will ask you: ‘How do you find the balance?’ No matter how absurd the answer is: “I get up at four in the morning to work out so that I can be present while I prepare breakfast for the kids before work. “You just need to have one,” she wrote. “Nobody really cares about the answer, mind you, because it doesn’t mean anything. It is simply a matter of promoting the idea that a certain balance exists as a possibility. A scope. And that if you work hard enough, sacrifice even more of your time or yourself, you will get that feeling. So go ahead! Go beyond yourself. Act more, complain less. If you and your friends don’t greet each other by saying “I’m so tired” then you are doing it wrong. “

Women of all stripes buy into the myth of balance, says Union, describing the phenomenon with a particularly apt metaphor: multilevel marketing. You know, LuLaRoes, essential oils, cookware, and children’s books.

“’Libra’ is actually a tiered marketing program, what we used to call a pyramid scheme,” she explained in her book. “You know these things. They target your high school friend or cousin, usually a woman with children, and tell them to invest their money in a product and then sell it to their friends and family. Worse, these women are told to recruit their friends to become “consultants” so that they can access their network. I guarantee you, check your old Facebook inbox. as a preamble to tell you about an exciting opportunity involving non-essential oils or tie-dye leggings.

The promise of profit, wealth and independence from MLMs, Union says, is the same lie that’s often pushed about working mothers – that there’s a balance somewhere if we work hard enough. to find it. It’s the idea that we need to be successful at work, be successful in parenting, be successful in socializing and nurturing relationships outside of our families – without breaking a sweat or feeling any emotions other than gratitude.

“Deep inside you know that’s a lie,” Union wrote. “This lingering suspicion that you are being duped is what leads to this feeling of rage inside of you. The current of anger runs beneath all the emotions that demand your attention: isolation, resentment, self-doubt. But it’s the rage that surprises you. There is a tipping point that you never see coming that makes your whole day unfold.

On these days, little frustrations arise and anger can bubble up, finally breaking the surface. “You’re running for an elevator with a bag and a baby, and you just need someone to hold the door. And they don’t, ”she wrote. “You manage your family’s schedule and ask your husband the most basic question. He sighs, forced to think for a moment about what to think about all the time. You designed your workday down to the minute to be off at 5:00 p.m., so you can pick up the kids from training, but your boss tells you at 4:50 p.m. that he needs you to stay longer to save a job. poor work. coworker did a half ass job on it. These tipping points put you on the verge of tears and rage. When your anger breaks out like this, it seems foreign, it seems powerful, and yet so essentially you make it look like everything else about you is wrong.

Union presents these observations in a way that seems familiar to many mothers, and it’s refreshing. As if we didn’t love her enough already, now she is there to identify our anger and frustration and we are so there for that.

Like Gabrielle, these celebrities also used a surrogate mother.Celebrities who have used surrogate mothers



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